Monday, July 16, 2007

Who am I?

I went to the supermarket today to pick up a few things and as I was leaving I tossed a copy of this free local monthly magazine in my bag. I got home, put away groceries, made a cup of tea, sat down and flipped open the magazine to AHHHHHHH! a fat picture of ME!?! My ex boss was being featured in a two page spread and on page 2 was the group shot from our Business of the Year banquet last year.

Is this weird??? I look at that pic (and others of a pre-op me) and it feels like I'm looking at someone else. I feel completely disconnected from her. So much so that I almost want to have a do-over and take all new pictures throughout the years because that "fat, old, Italian woman" in all my family photos is NOT me. Obviously, I DO know it's me. I'm not psycho but I just FEEL like a completely different person. Now I'm completely disconnected from her but the not quite fully connected to the person I see in the mirror each morning either. It's not even about the "physical changes" this is a head thing.

So then surfing I find this:

After gastric bypass surgery: Possible problems

"Your body image changes as your body goes through such a rapid and drastic change. You tend to lose a sense of self. You can actually go through an identity crisis. You may not recognize yourself. You may feel like you are walking around in someone else's body. Please remember that it will take some time getting used to the new you. Counseling may help you during these times of uncertainty."

So I am apparently suffering from a post-op identity crisis and I need a shrink. Good to know. Oh and no offense to fat, old Italian women. Io sono voi. I got much love for you.


I made Chicken Chop Suey tonight. It was yum. Lots of chopping and lots of steps and yeah I guess I could have just ordered Chinese take-out but I had fun making it. Here's your daily dose of food porn:

Shelly's Chicken Chop Suey

2 eggs, scrambled
2 or 3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, sliced into 1" chunks
1/2 large onion, sliced
2 or 3 green onions, sliced into 1" sections
2 stalks celery, sliced on an angle
3-4 mushrooms, sliced
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 cup shredded carrot
2 cups bean sprouts
1 can baby corn
3 to 4 Tablespoons soy sauce
1 Tablespoon Maggi Seasoning
1 Tablespoon Seasoned Rice Wine Vinegar
1/2 cup chicken broth
1 teaspoon corn starch
salt & pepper to taste
canola oil

Heat wok, add oil, and scramble eggs. Remove and set aside. Add a little more oil and add chicken. Cook until the chicken is no longer pink. Remove chicken from wok and if needed add a little more oil. Add the bean sprouts, carrot, baby corn and celery. Stir fry over high heat about 5 minutes. Remove from pan set aside. Stir fry onions, garlic and mushrooms till golden. Add all the veggies, chicken and any juices and egg back into the wok season with soy sauce, Maggi and rice wine vinegar. Dissolve a teaspoon of corn starch in about 1/2 cup of chicken broth and add to Chop Suey to thicken. Simmer till heated through and gravy has formed.

Highlights of the day:

* It was much cooler as we sat and had dinner on the patio
* My order of Crunchy Cheese arrived
* I figured out a button on my camera... ummm yeah I uhhh read the manual.

Listening to: "Smile Like You Mean It" The Killers


*Teresa* said...

Hi Shelley!

The Chicken Chop Suey was fabulous! I also made a pizza on a wrap for lunch today...I couldn't eat the whole thing, and I love the fact that I can say

Tomorrow night will be rollatinis...just haven't decided which one yet. My family is loving you.

Take care!

leendadll said...

When I lost 90lbs (a million years ago) I found that post-weight loss was when I started seeing the fat chick in the mirror (previously, I managed not to see myself at all). Three years later, as the weight came back, I suddenly started seeing the thin person.

Now I'm back to not seeing myself at all.

Last year, I posed for a nude portrait which turned out AMAZING but I don't identify with it at all. It's just a fun pic - not me. But that may be due to a TON of photoshop which was applied. Photoshop is definitely my friend!) I hope to have the same photographer do another nude photo when I finally lose 100 lbs!