A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen. ~Edward de Bono

I saw this picture today on the Internet and cried. If any of you were affected by obesity during your high school or college years I think you will be able to relate to my emotional reaction. Every so often something will bring back a memory, a scar from those hard days. This picture did it.

I believe if I would have tested my heart rate upon seeing, it would have been racing. I felt the wave of panic. I remembered the feeling of walking into a classroom and seeing those desks with the immovable seats attached and thinking, "I know I can't fit AND everyone will see I can't fit." This was the reality of my college years.

So what did I do... I went to school an hour early. I rearranged the seats to find the bigger of the desks and stake my claim. Sometimes I would even go into an empty classroom and move furniture in. Occasionally though I would find someone had arrived early to study or meet with a group and then... I was screwed.

I'd smile and say hello, "Oh you are here early too." I would nonchalantly (as much as that was possible) squeeze into the desk of doom, where I would spend the next 3+ hours of class in severe pain... my body contorted, one half of me with the desk digging into my side and the other half hanging over the edge of the chair... all the while smiling and interacting with my professor and friends like nothing was wrong. I was fine. I was comfortable. Everything was great. It wasn't. I was crying inside.

It took a few more years after those college years for me to make some life changes. I had the helping hand of weight loss surgery in 2006 and continue every day to make changes (healthy eating choices, moving my body and working on the head) but every once and awhile something, this picture today, picks at the scars that obesity caused. I had to share this today because I KNOW YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND. You have been there, maybe it wasn't the desk maybe it was the subway turnstile, the airplane tray table, the backseat of a car, the booth at the restaurant, the amusement park ride, the broken chair... your scars are healing too.

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My weight loss surgery journey (in denim)
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A is for...