Thursday, December 20, 2007

You've come a long way baby...

I was just talking with a pal on OH and I realized it was the 18 month anniversary of my RNY today. Wow! 18 months and a day ago I was alone in an apartment in Ensenada, Mexico. I was afraid. I was afraid of dying (what would the people I left behind do), afraid of getting my guts rearranged (did it have to come to this?), afraid of losing "good food" and favorite dishes (my old friends), afraid of all that comes with weight loss surgery (puking, dumping, foamies, hair loss, all the horror stories). I was afraid but I felt that having weight loss surgery was my only hope and chance at a real life. I might die. True, but I was killing myself already. I had the meds (8 of them) and labs (high BP, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, GERD) to prove it. I wasn't really living "fat." My life was passing by and I was on the sidelines because I couldn't fit, I needed to sit down, I hurt, I was tired. I was committing suicide slowly by knife and fork. I needed to make a change. I needed a do-over. A second chance. I remember saying to myself well this is it. There is no turning back now.

I'm happy to say that most of the things I feared sitting in that apartment the night before my surgery were not nearly as bad as I thought they would be or never happened and then there were a few fears that came along I never even thought of (body image stuff and fear of failure.) So for those pre-ops reading this... I've been there, done that and have the 4X t-shirt to prove it and now... the medium one and the medium one and the LIFE that comes with it was worth it all (a couple of dumping episodes, 2 pukes, a few foamies, a couple of foods getting stuck, sleeping on my back for awhile, many many smelly farts, strange pains, the blues, a little weakness, trial & error eating, temporary hair loss, loose skin and now plastics... all of it)

Today is my 18 month anniversary and I am full of joy! For those of you about to begin this incredible journey I wish that for you. Oh and about losing "good food" ummm was I ever wrong.


Ny said...

I cannot thank you enough for that, I had surgery on November 12 of this year and I have been going though so many emotions and just reading that made me feel happy for you and excited for my future as well. Your recipes are amazing and you are inspiring. Keep doing what you do because you are an important part of our journey. It's good to know that someone can make you feel better or smile by just sharing. :)Ny

Girl From Three Birches said...

How brilliant!