I have been in a funk for the past few weeks. Not a good James Brown, George Clinton funk either... a nothing sounds good, blah, depressing songs on repeat sort of funk.

I've been feeling like I want "something" but seriously if you asked me what I wouldn't even know. New career, new location, a relationship, dessert... who knows?! Then I read something the other day and I thought crap I sooooo do this and I NEED TO STOP...

When your "There" has become a "Here" you will simply obtain another "There" that will again look better than "Here."
Hmmmm there is a lesson in that... maybe I need to just enjoy the here and now. Stop and smell the roses or Starbuck's or whatever...

How zen.

I'll tell you the hardest part of this weight loss surgery journey has been the emotional side. Getting your guts rearranged, learning new ways of eating, making lifestyle changes, exercising... those were the easy parts (for me at least.)

It's the coming to the realization that not everything that was shitty in my life was because I was fat that has been hard. Pre-op I used to say, "If only I wasn't fat..." or "When I lose the weight life will be..." Guess what? I'm "There" and slapped with the sad realization that losing the weight was not a cure-all. Don't get me wrong it cured a lot but not all.

OK have at it... what do I need??? therapy, drugs, some good sex (bonus points for readers that suggest this), a vacation that doesn't include stitches, to stop my angsty whining???

I really do try and enjoy the "Here." I have a great here. I am blessed but sometimes those damn "There" thoughts creep in and funkify me. Time to go to the beach I think.

This would be the rambling part of "The World According to Eggface - Recipes and Rambling of a Former Fat Chick."

Welcome to my world.

Highlights of the weekend:

* Went to the Farmer's Market and got oodles of good stuff.

* I just came in from stringing twinkle lights on my metal gazebo thingee outside so I'm going to BBQ tonight under the "stars"

* Experimented a lot in the kitchen and took lots of food porn.

Listening to: Something depressing on repeat ;) No really.


Flying Sarah said...

Too bad stopping to smell the Starbucks won't include their tasty wraps....

Michelle said...

Yeah huh the bastards took away my wrap. Mine's better anyway ;)

Jen the Fa-shoe-nista said...

I wish I had a solution but I find myself feeling non-P-Funky today too. I have no idea why. I'm all for some good sex though so I say go for it lol.

Amy said...

I'm totally in the same place you are. I've lost tons of weight and it fixed alot, but it didn't fix it all. I was crying yesterday because I want something and I couldn't figure out what it was either.

I went to a bridal shower yesterday. There was NOTHING served for food that I could eat. That was okay. I wasn't hungry, in fact I ate before I went so it wouldn't be an issue. Thing is, I still got down about it because I couldn't eat the stuff that was there. Weird, huh? That's the first time I've experienced that in the last 11 months. I'm sure it will happen again.

So today, what did I do? I cleaned my house from top to bottom. That is how I relieve stress. I put my ipod in the dock, crank it up on some fast songs (I actually have a "cleaning" playlist), and just clean and sing and dance around the house. Now I have a pretty house, a smile on my face, and I feel better.

What brings you joy and helps relieve the stress? I suggest that you find that and do it. Soon.

BTC said...

Sorry you're feeling funkily - hope you got a beach fix yesterday and are feeling better already.

BTW your Chocolate Ricotta Pancakes rock!!!


Anonymous said...

OH Geez! I know how you're feeling! I'm not quite as far along as you are, but I'm definitely feeling like "I'm missing something". I definitely think some good sex is in order! If not for you... definitely for me! LOL.... Maybe just a weekend getaway where you can just be Shelly and not Shelly who had WLS. Thats what I long for - the day I can "just be Tracy" again. Good Luck - hope your feeling better soon!

chpdlivr said...

Your body has been through alot these past 2 years. I have a feeling that time is what you need. You are such an inspiration for many. Not just for your food and recipe ideas, but for your honesty. Thanks for posting the rough times along with the good ones. You rock!!

Amie said...

I know this kind of sounds cleche or something, but, have you thought of a life coach?
Therapists are good, but, they tend to look at what's wrong, pathological, and when working with one, a person can get into a rut and spin wheels. Dwelling on what's wrong. Sometimes you just can't go back and fix what's wrong, you can't even identify it.
A life coach looks at were you are right now, and helps you to see your strenghts in a positive way. They help you to use those strenghts to move forward.
We have life coaches available at my work, my old boss is one. It is a very intriguing concept that I want to explore. I didn't get to 347 lbs without some serious emotional eating. Therapy in the past has just made me more depressed. Good luck to you.

shelly said...

Shelly - I hope you are feeling better that you did on Sunday, I know its easier said than done but stop and take a look of every thing you have done and been through in the last 2 years. You just had another surgery a few weeks ago and that takes a lot out of you both emotionally and physically. Think of all the things you have good in your life...the beach, farmers market year around, trader joes, your mom, all your friends who look foward to getting on your website and see whats new with you that day. If its a man you are missing in your life I can't help you with that I have a wonderful one for the last 21 years so don't know what it is like without him. Have you not met anyone on this site that lives close by you that you have chemistry with? If so let him know it and make something happen. If not than get out there and start looking for a man.