Sunday, May 28, 2006

Hmmm...


I'm really trying not to obsess... the greatest troubles are those that never happen. I keep saying it. How about listening?!?

Latest worries... lifting stuff, follow-up care, dying, sleeping on my back, getting my period after surgery (most do), stressing my Mom out, drinking enough water, did I mention dying... :) It does help to write these fears. I fear dying from being to fat too so it is a crap shoot.

I probably have had too much time before my date... I should have picked one closer... that way I had less time to think. I'm a snowball thinker... that is I start with this little snowball size thought and roll it over and over in my mind until I have a freaking avalanche o' crap. I know this yet I really have little control over it. I try to let go of it and give it to God but I am weak. I need to work on this.

So I had a nice long weekend... well still am having it as we have Monday off. Woo Hooo! BBQ'd today and watched old Laguna Beach episodes... they are doing a marathon leading up to the premier of "The Hills" yes I'll be watching I'm a sucker for shit like that. I also watched my taped Finale of "Top Chef" and hooray Harold won!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Changes

Wow as my surgery date gets closer and closer I'm starting to get a little scared I must admit. I keep thinking stupid what if scenarios and I need to stop (power of positive thought) I think that is because I have never had surgery before (well that I remember... I had plastic surgery to re-attach my upper lip at 3 years old... a long gross story) and this is so drastic (being fileted like a fish) plus I have been worrying about stupid shit like not being able to use a straw when I drink and gulping Hello!?! I need to get over this. Make peace now. Plus I don't even know how things will be... just because someone can't do something doesn't mean I won't be able to everyone is different. OK... working through it. Breath.

Health wise I'm feeling crappy right now. I'm completely exhausted (a combination of a lot of extra at work and my apnea), terrible aches and pains, headaches, reflux. I just hope that one day soon that will change. I'm too young to feel like this. I truly believe this surgery is the only option for me. So many profiles I've read on OH have given me inspiration. They all say how great they feel now, how it's the best thing they ever did. I hope to be one of them soon.

So work is interesting... can you say DSM-IV?! This surgery can't come to soon. Change is good.

Amazing Race ended (I love that show) my favorite team won! The Hippies! I think it was the best race so far. Sicily was my favorite. "Thatsa bigga fish" Sicily- It's on my list of gotta do before I kick the big bucket.

Listening to: my yawning... time for bed.